Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential. You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. Only dead fish go with the flow. The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty. The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. There is no dance without the dancers. My wife ran off with my best friend last week.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. No one is listening until you fart. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. The last thing I want to do is insult you. See more ideas about Funny 1 liners, Epic one liners and Funny humor quotes. You do not need a parachute to skydive.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? One-liner jokes - A man sank A man sank in a pond despite the fact that he was a Pisces according to horoscope and total shit as a man. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so. The phone is fine, no damage. I was married for two years. I enjoy every minute of it. What do you call a vegan with diarrhea? Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children. Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims? Snore and you sleep alone 365.
Where are all these extra single socks coming from?! I pretend to work as long as they pretend to pay me. Beauty is only skin deep…but ugly goes all the way to the bone! The ones who learn by observation. My drinking team has a bowling problem. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. When women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub.
All the winners are from Earth. Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it. It matters not whether you win or lose: what matters is whether I win or lose. Update 04-2018: This article was written way back in 2009. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining. If you go to sleep with a itching ass you will wake up with a stinking finger … 373. You are depriving some poor village of its idiot. The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Being in a nudist colony probably takes all the fun out of Halloween. My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look hot.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed 274. Until you hire a lawyer. Last Updated on November 30th, 2018 Searching for funny goodbye quotes and one liner? After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W T F.
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from? What is Jesus' favorite food? Archeologist: someone whose carreer lies in ruins. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. What do you call a bull that likes taking a nap? There were some pretty egregiously sexist and offensive lines in this list we decided to remove after being pointed out by a reader on Twitter. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it. A blind man walks into a bar… And a chair… and a table.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains? Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment. The dogs bark but the caravan moves on. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. What if there were no hypothetical questions? A compilation of many epic e cards in one post? What swims and starts with a T? Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Take my advice — I'm not using it. If nothing was learned, nothing was taught. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A cat, by any other name, is still a sneaky little furball that barfs on the furniture.
. Thanks to them, it's easier than ever to memorize one or two quips to fill those awkward silences at your next backyard barbecue. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. A tax is a fine for doing well. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. To steal from many is research. Make sure to give these funny one liners a share on Facebook before you go! What is sticky and brown? We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.